Why New Year’s Resolutions Really Can Work

by Peggy Sue Skipper   

     ‘Tis the season to eat, drink, and be merry, and then make resolutions to stop such behavior in the New Year. The psychology of having a clean slate to make changes is very alluring, but how many resolutions are still in place by the time Capricorn melts into Aquarius? I imagine the percentage is pretty low—and just why is this?

     Most of us get overly ambitious about writing on that perceived clean slate. We take on too many changes too quickly to stick with them. Add to that is the likelihood that most New Year’s Resolutions are made out of fear. We fear our future if we do not change our present, thus we resolve to change.

     It’s been said most people will do more to avoid pain than they will to gain pleasure—isn’t that an interesting thought? But, if you look at the way society has developed, our behaviors are mostly guided by that principal. We have traditionally disciplined our children with threats, so it is no wonder they grow into adults seeking guidelines on behavior that instruct them about what and what not to do.

     I believe that as a species we have been in survival mode for thousands of years now. It is as if we have been conditioned to walk around with our metaphorical swords drawn, always on the alert for attack from some quarter. This was very literally true up until the second half of the twentieth century.

     Our energy is changing however—lightening up—and it is each of our responsibility to move from survival mode to “thrival” (OK, it’s another snigglet—a word that should be a word but isn’t in the dictionary) mode. We must sheath those swords and learn to lead with our hearts instead. This was simply not possible until very recently and it can still be dicey territory because so many of us are still leading with the sword—always on the alert and conditioned to “get the other guy before he gets you.”

     As our energies get ever lighter toward the peak of this progression at the end of 2012 (don’t worry folks—it’s going to be every bit as traumatic as Y2K) we will find those still in survival mode struggling even more and those who have made the shift into thrival faring much better.

     So, what does all this really mean? What is thrival? Sheathing your sword and leading with your heart in full “knowing” that you are divinely protected and loved. Wow. Can we really do that? Sure we can—remember we always have that sword sheathed if we need it, but it should be one of the last tools we pull out of the toolbox and only in dire self-defense. Remember the saying you learned in kindergarten? “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me!”

     We have become such a self-absorbed society that we tend to only look at the world as it pertains to us personally. This is protection mode—survival skills which have truly been important to many of us and necessary to function in a world that did not understand anything but survival.
     If you plan to make a resolution this year why not try resolving to thrive in your life? Here are some tips to make it happen:

1. Assume nothing is about you unless you are told in no uncertain terms that it is.
2. Look at your “button pushers” (people who really get you going in a negative way) as your best and brightest teachers. They are you know. It is their job to push your buttons as long as they are available to be pushed. These button pushers are almost always family members, bosses, or someone we have a difficult time avoiding. Next time you feel that button being pushed just remove yourself emotionally and think to yourself, “Wow. What a great job you are doing today teacher—way to push that button so I really know it’s still there!”
3. Start looking objectively in the mirror at yourself. What do you admire and what would you change with a magic wand at your disposal? Embrace parts you don’t especially like and realize none of us are perfect. The more we struggle with anything the more power it has over our lives.
4. Take a look at your Love and Support Group. Who are they? If you were thrown out on the street tomorrow would you have some place to go where you would be welcomed with open arms?
5. Take a further look at that Love and Support Group. If any of them were thrown out on the streets would you take them in with open arms?
6. To thrive we must become truly comfortable knowing everything that happens to us is for a reason and ultimately for our highest good even if we never fully understand what that is. If we live everyday accepting this wisdom, more good things than bad will begin happening to us. Anyone can be happy when nothing goes wrong.
7. Put all bad feelings toward anyone behind you. Be grateful for the lesson they brought you, even if you do not understand it.

     Remember that if someone has “done you wrong” there is only one way to get true revenge.

Perhaps that is the real resolutions for all of us.
Be Happy!

     In this year of 2011, Just Be Happy!

                                                                                 —30—


As a side note I am making a change to this column—from now on it will be titled: Who, What, When, Where, and Why? I still have a lot of Why? Columns but want to expand to some other areas as well and, after all, these are the long held questions for any newspaper.