Number Sense Column — April 23, 2011

by Congetta Bryant


Congetta,

     My birthday is 9-17-1991 and my partner's birthday is 12-11-1991. We've been together for about a year, are really happy together and care for each other very much. School is very important to both of us and a year from now we will both be going to separate schools to better our education. We both know that going to separate schools is necessary for each of us to achieve the best education we can. He needs to go to nursing school while I need to go to a school that focuses on science and research. We plan to stay together while going to different schools, even though it might be difficult. Do you think our relationship will be able to survive long-distance? We will have been together for two years by the time we begin to attend separate schools.

Thanks, Jordy


Hi Jordy

     In answer to your question, it all depends on how honest you are with each other, and how open the communication is in the relationship. These two things are what build trust, and without that there really isn’t any need to continue trying to move forward. Trust in each other is what makes a solid foundation, and, leads to respect in the relationship.

     In long distance relationships there is usually some doubt that will rear its ugly head every now and then. That is to be expected. It happens in every relationship at some point, but when there is distance it can be magnified. You should be able to talk to each other and say, “Hey, I am little concerned about (whatever it is) and I need us to figure out how and why I feel this way.”

     If it is because of something he is doing (or, you think he is doing), then let him know right up front when something is bothering you. He should also feel comfortable enough to do the same.
 
     If you start letting the little doubts become major issues because you feel he will think you are being silly, or because you don’t want to offend him, or vice versa you should start working on that before you go to different schools. If it bothers you…then it is important enough to discuss. Neither one of you should have the attitude the other one is being ridiculous in matters of the heart.

     Take time to listen to each other, express your insecurities, try to ease the others worries, and never use it as a weapon—respect each other.

     You both have chosen great careers. There are long periods of study, travel and adventure is in the numbers for both of you. You seem very sensible, but Virgos are that way, always analytical, put your fears aside and open your communication with him about this subject. He has a hard time expressing himself because he is a seven. Maybe need to teach him the importance of just placing everything on the table and being comfortable with communicating in a completely open forum.

     Love is the strongest power there is, make a vow to each other, stay in close touch, and never avoid answering a reasonable question. Now that does not mean to become obsessive about every second of someone’s day. Neither of you should stand for that. It takes extra work to be apart. Ask any military family or someone who has been married to a spouse that travels—it is no different.

     Plan plenty of escapes with each other. Try to spend time alone when you can and it is alright to see friends when you visit, but just make sure the two of you have your time together.

     Don’t take for granted “He knows I love him, I don’t have to say it all the time.” Well, actually you two should never get tired of letting the other know how much you care, or that you miss each other. Do unexpected things, send a card, have a nice dinner ready, rent a special movie. But remember this also, he should do the same for you. It can never be just one person doing all the giving. There is no such thing as 50/50 in relationships that last, because at to,es it’s 80/20, 60/40, 50/50. The numbers have to change in order to maintain a balance.

     I really feel the two of you can continue to have a solid relationship, even better if you apply some of the things discussed in my column today. Wishing you both a fabulous future—together!

Thanks, Congetta


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