Astrology Relationship Coach Column — July 16, 2011

by Rebeca Eigen

     To have your questions answered in this column, please ask a question pertaining to relationships or the 7th House (house of marriage, partnership and open enemies; i.e., the shadow in us all)... I will not reveal the identity or birth information of the person asking the question. Email address


Question:
     In a previous email you said that based on my birth chart, my focus is home/family and that Saturn just left my 7th house and entered my 8th house by transit. Since my focus is family/home is that compatible with my partner’s sign or does his chart show him as a self-centered person who is not truly compatible with my sign? And what does “Saturn just left her marriage house and entered the 8th house” mean?

Answer:
     Saturn going through the 7th House (marriage, partnership and open enemies) means that a relationship will be challenged. All that is not being openly discussed will come to the surface to be negotiated because the Saturn lesson is for us to be "real" with each other. It also means that both people have to give and take and “work” (another Saturn word) on the relationship to bring it into balance. If this doesn't happen in that 2-year period then this relationship will end because it gets difficult when both are not cooperating. Saturn going through the 8th house usually means that the person has to learn to become self-sufficient because the resources of the partner will somehow no longer be as readily available. This can be through a job loss, salary cut, illness, separation or divorce. As Saturn transits the houses of our birth chart, we are all being asked to learn to become responsible for ourselves in that area of our lives. One of the meanings of the 8th house is other people’s resources. Another is our psychological well being.

     I teach people to look at their "shadow self" which is usually going to be mirrored in their partner. Whatever we are unwilling to live will live against us and then our partner will start to over do whatever that quality is.

     Leo's (your partner) do indeed have a self-centered side and also a very generous side, so it's up to both people to stay in balance with each other through honest communication and a willingness to meet half way. Since no two people are going to approach situations the same, we all need to learn to be there for ourselves by saying to our partner, "Ok, this time we will do it your way and next time we do it mine. Agreed?" And then live up to it consciously. This kind of negotiation needs to take place at the very beginning and steadily throughout the relationship, but it doesn't mean it can't happen now; it just must be emphatically communicated. That is what the 7th House is about—authentic communication between equals.


Question:
     What could we do to communicate and get along better?

Answer:
     Both of you are very critical by nature and that's problematic as you constantly nit pick to see what is wrong with each other. So Instead of criticizing each other and finding fault with what is not "perfect," ask for what you want from each other and listen. Do things together to be of service in the community for the disenfranchised, the underdog, the homeless, wherever you can volunteer to make others lives easier. Be productive and useful together.


Question:
     I would like to explore my relationship with my brother.  He is the one I found in such decline during my visit to him some 10 or 12 days ago.  I am concerned about him, and would so much wish to better understand his approach to life and why at times it is so difficult for me to communicate with him.
     Although we were raised in the same environment, our approaches to life are in many ways dissimilar.  It would be so insightful to hear a comparison of our natal horoscopes, something he and I have never done.

Answer:
     You are probably seeing shadow sides of each other and that can make for difficult—if not impossible communication—because when we see our shadow in our sibling, it's hard to see who they actually are. We hone in on the aspect of ourselves that they represent, which is the most foreign to us. Your brother has the Moon in Taurus in the 7th house and he might see you as overly emotional, mothering, protective and sometimes moody and security oriented, wanting to be needed by family (or people you turn into family) all the time. You have Sagittarius ruling the 7th house and he has the planet Jupiter in Scorpio in the 1st house of identity, so an aspect of him would be rather secretive although dogmatic, self righteous, know-it-all, ostentatious, philosophical, generous, and wise which would be your Shadow. Being there for each other instead of trying to "fix" or change each other’s "beliefs" would go a long way to improving communication.

Question:
     I have had many relationships over the years. But, my 2 marriages ended in divorce (both Sagittarius). Are romantic relationships my main source of karma?

Answer:
     Your North Node is in Libra, so yes relationships are an important lesson in this life. And up front you must deal with freedom issues, such as time together and space apart.

Question:
     My daughter and I have had a rocky relationship over the years. I was a single parent until she was about 13. She is a typical Gemini with a very independent streak. I love her and I think she loves me, but sometimes I wonder. I feel like I get blamed for most of what goes wrong in her life. Is there any hope?

Answer:
     Her independent streak is more Aries Moon which means from early on she wanted to do things her way and that she has a selfish, impatient side which is also courageous and gives her leadership qualities. You all have a Mars square Mars and Uranus squares Uranus which are both volatile energies. Mars is how we go after what we want and Uranus is our rebellious independent streak...well, yours clash.

     A big lesson for her is to love herself (several things point to that) and understand she is very critical and draws that out of others as well. Probably you feel guilty now for not being there often enough when she was young because you were busy trying to support yourself and her. It's in her chart.

     But how can we blame our parents if we were born with this energy?

     You look at a whole family and each child will have life mirror back to them what they came in with throughout their life. 5 children can see the parents completely different because they see that parent through their own lens. I write about that in Chapter 2 of my book, The Shadow Dance and Astrological 7th House Workbook.

                                                                                  —30—

Rebeca Eigen's website can be reached at this link. You can email her at this email address.