by Sunny Dawn Johnston
Do not search for us, we will find you.
Do not wait for us, we are here ... all ready.
Do not whisper your name, we know it well.
We have loved you forever, time will tell...
We are your Guardian Angels.
In my column, Working with Angels, this week I will be introducing the the third of seven Archangels, Jopiel, as I experienced he. You may have had similar or different experiences, and the value of those experiences is that we can learn from all of them. I do not believe in a “right” or “wrong” way to connect with the Angels. I simply believe in the presence and perception of angelic vibrations.
Pronounced: JOE-fee-el, it means “Beauty of God.” Jophiel is the Archangel of creativity, beauty, and art.
Helps with: Manifesting more beauty in our lives through our thoughts, supporting artists and artistic projects, interior design and decorating, releasing prejudice and ignorance, awakening, self-awareness, inspiration, hope, and joy. Helps those who feel spiritually lost, depressed, or in despair.
Color Vibration: Golden Yellow
Invocation: I invoke the golden-yellow light of Archangel Jophiel. Help me to manifest beauty within and around me. Jophiel, I know that I am a creative being, and I ask that you help me to use that creative power in every aspect of my life. Please help me to remember that whatever I focus on is manifested through the vibration of my own thoughts. Help me to align my thoughts with who I really am and to see the beauty in all that crosses my path. Allow me to remain open minded and be guided by the light within. With your help and creative power, I can and will manifest the beautiful life of my dreams . . . and so it is!
As I invoke Archangel Jophiel, I visualize a golden-yellow light entering the top of my head and moving down entire body. This vibrating light encases me in a safe and comfortable energy field. I see, hear, feel, and know that the energy of creativity and manifestation surrounds me and dwells within me at all times.
Personal Experience: Archangel Jophiel helps you manifest more beauty in your life through your thoughts. His energy helps you manifest your heart’s deepest desires and sometimes makes you aware of desires that are buried. If you are working on changing your thought patterns about your own self-worth, body image, or your present-day experiences in the physical world, then call on Jophiel.
Even though I know Archangel Jophiel supported and surrounded me most of my life, I had many experiences where my negative thought patterns created my everyday life. I did not heed his guidance and wisdom for many years, and I chose to stay in states of anger, frustration, fear, and self-criticism.
His loving energy never left my side, and as I look back while writing this book, I realize that he was always opening up doors for me to see my true light. Unfortunately, I wasn’t willing to walk through those doors for many, many years.
There were many experiences that I had while growing up that led to a lack of self-worth, beginning at a very early age. The first time I remember questioning my worth was at age six. My parents were trying to have another baby, and my mom had already suffered two miscarriages. I remember walking into the bathroom one morning while she was in the process of miscarrying a third time, and I immediately felt responsible for her sadness and pain. As a very young child, I wondered why she would put herself through all of this agony when she had me. I started wondering why I wasn’t enough. This was my first conscious memory of questioning my value and worth. As an adult, I know that her desire to have another child had nothing to do with me being good enough, but as a child, I took responsibility for my parents’ happiness. My lack of self-esteem weaved its way through almost every area of my life.
Before age eight, I would say I was a pretty typical kid. I got straight As, had friends and a pretty easygoing attitude. I was an only child until that age, so I was used to getting my own way. I had no one to compete and argue with, I was loved a bunch, given everything I wanted, and had it made. I was a happy little girl. My friends would say I was bossy, selfish, and sometimes argumentative, but what spoiled child wasn’t?
My parents finally had another child, my younger brother Shad. Within months we were moving to Wyoming for a job transfer my dad had accepted, only to move back to Utah nine months later. This caused extreme amounts of stress and tension in the household. My little brother was quite a handful and sick often, so he took up most of my mom’s time.
My dad was busy at work, so my mom was on her own with us kids most of the time. I spent many hours alone, which I was used to because I had been an only child, but there were times when it really bothered me. I missed our family time, but what upset me more was the fighting. My mom wanted to be near her family in Utah, and I could feel her anger, pain, and sadness at being forced to move. I never voiced those feelings; it was just an awareness I had of a deep sense of pain, sadness, and, at times, hopelessness that I felt from her. She was a wonderful mom, would do anything for me and my brother, and did. But there always seemed to be an underlying sadness that I could feel; and for reasons unknown to either one of us, I felt responsible for her.
When I was little, I was Daddy’s girl. I spent a great deal of time with him. I was his right-hand gal, and I’d go everywhere with him. At the age of nine, I even started working in the family business during the summers. At first I loved it, but over the next seven years, I grew to resent the work, and my dad. When I was about twelve, I noticed that my easygoing attitude started to fade. I felt less accepted in the community as my friends spent more time at church, and I felt left out. I tried fitting in by going to church with them, but every time I tried to make myself go, it felt forced or fake. It didn’t feel right for me, so I eventually stopped going. I felt disconnected from my dad, too.
As I became more mature, we connected less, and he started criticizing me more. Deep down inside, I was identifying less with those around me and feeling separate from everyone. There were days when I didn’t even feel like I belonged on the planet. My negative thoughts were present for many hours of the day, as I would imagine a place I could go to and just disappear. I began writing sad and sometimes disturbing poems about my life and my perceptions of life. I became increasingly self-critical, and that internal criticism manifested itself as external judgment. I was judgmental of nearly everything and everyone around me. It was at that time, around age thirteen, that I began to gain weight. This was my way of protecting myself from the feelings and emotions I was carrying within and didn’t know how to deal with. I didn’t understand at the time that I was a sensitive child, picking up on the energy of everyone in my environment.
Over the next couple of years, I put on about fifty pounds, and as I got bigger, I questioned my value and self-worth over and over again. I was depressed, frustrated, sad, and spiraling out of control. My mom expressed her concern for me by trying to help in every way she could. My dad just teased me about it.
My mom did her very best to support me. She tried everything. She took me shopping to buy new clothes in the hopes that I would “feel” better. However, I left feeling worse because nothing cute would fit my fat body. She was sad for me . . . and so was I. A couple of times, she took me to get my hair cut, colored or highlighted, and then we’d go out for lunch. For that one day, or at least a few hours, I would feel better. It wasn’t so much the new hair style, but the relief I found in the food I ate. I felt the most “okay” when I was filling myself up with food. However it was only temporary. My negative self-talk would start as soon as I finished eating. I’d repeat things in my head, like “I can’t believe you ate all of that food. You are such a pig. You are going to be fat forever. No wonder you don’t have a boyfriend. How can you even stand yourself?” The critical self-talk went on endlessly.
Out of desperation and concern, my mom started taking me to her “healer” friends. She belonged to a metaphysical study group, “New Agers” back then that would meet once a week to learn about different spiritual and metaphysical teachings. They were a diverse group of people, and each one had his or her own special gift. They introduced me to many new subjects, such as astrology, numerology, hypnotherapy, and crystals. I liked it all so much. I took a couple of classes and soon realized that I had a real passion for numbers. This is where, twenty-six years ago, my own personal spiritual study truly began.
The group also suggested that I go lie on a bed of crystals at one of the women’s houses. I was desperate to feel better, so I agreed to go, even though it felt weird to me. I didn’t understand how crystals would help me heal, but then again, what did I know! I lay down on the crystal bed she had created in her living room, and, at first, I did feel some energy, but nothing that made me feel noticeably better. I had already made up my mind that it couldn’t work. So, of course, it didn’t work. Nothing worked; nothing made me feel any better. I was searching for something outside myself to make me better instead of working through the pain and going within by calling on my Angels. What I thought worked for me was approval, good grades, buying friendships, and a midnight snack.
I continued to earn attention and friendship through material goods. I had everything a sixteen-year-old kid could want, except confidence and self-worth. I would buy my friends gifts, movie tickets, clothes, and dinners. It felt good at times, but I also knew that most of my friends were only friends because I was buying them gifts or paying their way.
On some level, I knew it was my own lack of self-worth that allowed people to take advantage of me. I didn’t want to own it nor take responsibility for it, so instead, I blamed the people closest to me: my parents. Even though I had previously had a close relationship with my dad, he teased me daily. He teased me about my weight, the size of my legs, my glasses—you name it, he teased me about it. I blamed him for his controlling behavior, lack of compassion, and negative comments. They all hurt, and he wasn’t aware enough to notice. My mom, on the other hand, was very aware. She always knew what I needed, was compassionate and gentle.
She was my safe place. She became the referee for my dad and me. However, I blamed her, too, for not being a better example of self-love and for being too nice. If my parents were different, I thought, then maybe I would be different. I found fault in everything outside myself, which was only a projection of what was going on within me. But I did not know how to accept and take responsibility for what was going on inside me. I couldn’t even look at it; it was just too much.
I operated from the patterns I had learned as a child and was therefore critical of the people around me and judgmental of myself. Finally, at age nineteen, after manifesting one negative situation after another, I was given the gift of insight through a book called You Can Heal Your Life, by Louise Hay. At first I resisted the lessons in the book, but as I continued to dig myself deeper and deeper into a hole of self-pity, I surrendered and began to do the work. By this time, I had manifested a boyfriend who drank often, a child, and was living on welfare and food stamps. The questioning of my self-worth that had begun at age six continued to permeate every aspect of my life.
I began to follow You Can Heal Your Life as if it were my Bible. I placed all of my hope in the words of this book. If Louise Hay could begin to love herself, then why not me? I began with saying positive affirmations at least one thousand times a day. I wrote letters, released emotions, visualized a new life, and went back to my passion of learning. I soaked up everything I could get my hands on. Little by little, I noticed that my mood started to improve. I began loving my faults and seeing the world through the eyes of love. The sun seemed a little brighter, the stars a bit shinier, and my heart lighter. I knew I was just beginning, but I was already feeling stronger, kinder, and more loving of myself.
Louise suggested that one of the ways in which you can learn to see the beauty within is to do mirror work. I looked into the mirror each day and connected with my own eyes. As I did this, I repeated positive affirmations, such as “I love and accept myself; I am beauty; I am light; I am divine; I am a loving being capable of receiving love; I am open to receive; I trust my choices”; etc. I said as many positive affirmations as I could think of, and, over time, this exercise softened my heart and allowed me to see the beauty within. (When you have a minute, try this exercise yourself and see how powerful it is.)
It took me years of intense work to get to a place where I felt my own innate value. Archangel Jophiel was always there to support me, but once again, the lack of self-worth kept me from seeing the beauty. I walked through many painful experiences before I was willing to let go of resistance. But the gift of the energy of Archangel Jophiel is his ability to transform. All through my childhood and early adult life, Archangel Jophiel’s energy was present and guiding me in my preferences—preference for the things I did and did not want. And once I was aware of those preferences, I was able to transform my thoughts and beliefs to support them.
Value of the Experience: When you see through eyes of beauty, the things you see are beautiful. When you listen with ears of beauty, the sounds and words you hear are beautiful. When you feel beauty within you, you radiate that beauty all around you. And when you know that you are a beautiful being of love and think thoughts that align with that vibration, you allow others to know the same about themselves.
Sunny has a new book, Invoking the Archangels, published by Heirophant Press an imprint of Hampton Roads Press.
Sunny writes a standing column for The New Era Times called Working with Angels, so be sure to check back for more enlighting articles.